"Valentine's Day: the actual holiday of which reminds an individual that will should you not employ a exclusive someone, you're alone." -Lewis Black
Greg Giraldo"Valentine's day has become supplied way to avoid it of proportion. Valentine's Day simply used to be to your girlfriend and also you'd like however at this point personnel such as 'Oh, satisfied valentine's day!' I perhaps bought a Valentine's Day greeting card coming from my grandmother. How bizarre can be that? We halted having sex ages ago!" -Greg Giraldo
Jimmy Fallon"Oh here i will discuss an idea: we will produce pictures associated with our inside organs and give them to help other folks most people really like about Valentine's Day. That's not really unusual at all." -Jimmy Fallon (as Robert Pattinson)
Ed Helms"February is usually a four week period with months, and there is certainly one particular exceptional day: Valentine's Day to the 14th. I know it is really nevertheless a methods off, nonetheless I just can't wait. Janice, in case you are watching, color help make my home your happiest male in the world and acquire from my own apartment?" -Ed Helms
Russ Meneve"Ever have got that certain friend whom gets your Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak an individual out there a little? It's like, 'I have no idea how to crack that for your requirements however I assume she's banging your current dad!'" -Russ Meneve
Laura Kightlinger"It is going Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that reasonable to everyone whois alone? These are usually all times you gotta end up being together with someone. And in case you failed to bypass to killing oneself with Christmas or maybe New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think at this time there should be additional right after Valentine's Day merely called, 'Who might adore you?'" -Laura Kightlinger
Mo Rocca"I have got a dream, along with a plan, to combine the particular professional possibilities regarding Valentine's Day using the ingredient in addition to indicating associated with black story month. I phone it: Blackentine's Day." -Mo Rocca
George Lopez"The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your spouse you adore the woman's using a diamond,' even though girlfriends or wives explain they will love you with, 'Ok, but although it is really Valentine's Day.'" -George Lopez
Jon Stewart"Happy Valentine's Day! And if it is reports for you to you, my own guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is frequently periods a, well, it's a fabricated day time that really isn't going to mean anything." -Jon Stewart
David LettermanValentine's Day money-saving tips: Break through to February 13th, go back mutually on the 15th. In place of bubble bath, work with lavender-scented dish-washing liquid. Forget rose petals. Sprinkle that cargo box using sliced beets! -David Letterman
Mike Birbiglia's Childhood Valentines"I enjoy Valentine's Day. When you will be a kid everybody will get a Valentine. It's such as 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!" -Mike Birbiglia
Jay Leno"Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as adult males prefer to name it, Extortion day." -Jay Leno
Aisha Tyler"Every year, young ladies usually are like, 'This will be the year or so I receive diamonds!' And males are like, 'This will be calendar year I have a blowjob!' Everybody's disappointed." -Aisha Tyler
Doug Mellard"Let myself show you exactly why I detest Valentine's day: Because lots of years past on Valentine's night I thought I can be nice affectionate evening around when using the lady. Little did I know, that same night, her ex boyfriend made the decision your dog would likely win the woman cardiovascular system back. And getting your sweet, passionate guy that your dog is, your dog considered the most effective way to accomplish this has been for getting almost all coked up then jump by having a screen along with TRY TO MURDER ME. You find out what, it worked. They're even now together." -Doug Mellard
Stephen Colbert"Today, folks, should be everything regarding love. Unless you are old." -Stephen Colbert
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